Things get a bit out of hand at the Everything Ulster Christmas party as Mrs Claus over-endulges in the Christmas plonk.

I know posts haven't been the most frequent in the second half of this year thanks to an extremely busy schedule, but I thought I should take a few moments out to wish all those readers who have stuck with me during the slow times a very merry Christmas.

I'll be busy trying not to let the fact that they're giving out knighthoods for services to self-publicity and egomania ruin my holiday season, though I think my suffering might be eased by a shamelessly gratuitous picture and several of my favourite tins.

So to all EU's readers, have a merry Christmas; and try not to overdo it on the festive spirit. That's my job.

Rejectionist republicanism once again reared its ugly head this weekend as Sinn Fein "justice" spokesman Gerry Kelly said his party rejected the proposals made by the DUP to devolve policing and justice powers to the Northern Ireland Assembly.

The DUP proposal would have seen policing and justice devolved to the Northern Ireland executive and assembly, with the Policing & Justice minister being elected based on a weighted cross-community vote.

Sinn Fein have been calling for the devolution of justice and policing powers "to ensure policing is accountable" to the people of Northern Ireland since the Good Friday Agreement way back when. As recently as 8th December Gerry Adams said "we need local accountability and control of our policing and justice structures." Now that the DUP have come up with a plan that would allow this to happen while assuaging Unionist fears about Sinn Fein using such a position to destroy effective policing, Sinn Fein's intransigence seems destined to destroy this unprecedented opportunity.

So what’s the problem? Such a weighted cross-community vote would probably exclude the extremes (ie the DUP and Sinn Fein) from holding the post, leaving it with one of the moderate parties. Nothing in the letter of the law would actually prohibit this though, so if either the DUP or Sinn Fein could demonstrate to the other parties that they could take on the task responsibly then it's not without the realms of possibility. The problem, of course, is that Sinn Fein will be unable to do this as long as they insist on bullshitting on about "securocrats" and "heavy-handedness" and "political policing" every time the PSNI grow enough balls to actually take action against a republican criminal.

So what do Sinn Fein want: locally accountable policing, or an opportunity for Sinn Fein to take control of the police service for their own ends?

As I write this I'm watching Channel five's MacIntyre's Underworld: Mad Dog programme on Jonny Adair and there is, unsurprisingly, some disturbing shit going on there - and nobody's buying the PR. The man is such an embarrassment to the pro-union population in Northern Ireland I can't help but think he's in the pocket of republicans because he seems to be doing their cause more good than his own.

I felt nauseous when I saw Adair and his waste of space mate Michael Carrol draping themselves in the Union Jack alongisde loyalist paramilitary flags. To make matters worse, Adair seems to have a complete victim complex about himself. He's been such an unfortunate soul that "all those people in the UDA turned on me and my family," or something like that. My heart's fucking bleeding!

At one point, Jonny travels to Dresden in the former East Germany where he generously allows some neo-nazis who idolise him to engage in some hero-worship. These people are really insane - they've even got shrines to Adair in their living rooms (disturbing enough in Northern Ireland, but probably moreso for someone whose only connection to Adair, presumably, is racism and/or violence). Adairs blatantly apparent egomania means he laps it up.

Another clue that he may be batting for the other side (in more ways than one, according to last Friday's nutcase of the day) came when he was planning his trip home from exile (just to stick two fingers up to those who had threatened to kill him if he returned). Apparently the plan was to go via Wales and Dublin before crossing into "the north of Ireland." I ask you!

Sickeningly, Adair is nostalgic for his days in the Maze prison, where the harsh regime included holding raves and watching porn, then protesting at the harsh conditions. The Maze occupies a "special place" in his heart - yet another good reason to raze the fucking place to the ground, instead of turning it into a shrine.

Even more disgusting than the easy life in prison, Adair not only freely admits that if he was born a catholic he would have joined the IRA and fought for "their beliefs" (whatever they are), but seems to think it highly amusing; joking that he would probably have been on the IRA army council. Yeah that's fucking hilarious Jonny - so essentially you believe in fuck all, save for gangsterism.

Incidentally, according to the documentary maker, Adair "yearns for his years in loyalist west Belfast." A mistake from a Dubliner ignorant of Belfast's sectarian geography, or a freudian slip revealing the truth?

The documentary finishes with Adair stating his desire for him and his family and friends to someday return to Northern Ireland. I don't believe I'm alone in saying I think we have enough nutcases in the country already.

Something of an alarming (or alarmist) poll in the Sunday Telegraph today (coinciding with the discussion here at EU about the various nationalisms in the UK) stating that 68% of voters in England want Scotland to leave the Union while 48% want to see England break away from Wales and Northern Ireland as well.

I won't go into the details because you can read the rest yourselves, but I thought I'd highlight one response in particular.

The union between England, Scotland and Wales is good for us all and we are stronger together than we are apart. The last thing we need is yet another parliament with separate elections and more politicians spending more money.
David Cameron, Conservative Leader

The union between who Dave? I'll be interested to see if the Northern Ireland Conservatives have an explanation for and/or response to this.

This story's so farcical it's hard to no where to begin so I'll try and summarise the last couple of days, just in case anyone missed it.

A middle-aged, virtually crippled, arthritic terrorist, who even Jonny Adair (of all people) describes as "criminally and politically insane" and who by rights should have been in jail for about another 6½ centuries*, launches a one-man assault on Northern Ireland's Parliament building.

Lest Stone might derail the "peace process", the UDA, Ulster's largest loyalist terrorist organisation, dispatches 4 hit-squads, complete with police-style sirens, to "arrest" or kill Stone, all in the name of peace (and about £30 million, apparently).

Where else in the world? Seriously!

It took a heads-up (from someone calling themselves Dr A) yesterday to alert me to the escapades of one Michael Stone (of Milltown Cemetary fame) at Stormont yesterday. After attempting to spray paint "Sinn Fein Are Murderers" on the Stormont building, he threw a bag inside and claimed there was a bomb in it.

He was, of course, arrested and appeared in court this morning charged with attempting to murder Sinn Fein's Gerry Adams and Martin McGuinness, as well as 2 Stormont security guards and one other person. He's been remanded in custody until 22nd December.

I have to say though, callous as it may sound, one of my first reactions to the story was "Would Northern Ireland really be any worse off with 102 less politicians?"

Anyway, while I was looking into this story I was also glad to note a 22 year-old man has been arrested over the firebomb attack on Homebase (bastion of British imperialist oppression in Ireland) on the Boucher Road at the start of the month. I hope the twit thinks his courageous blow for Irish freedom was worth it when he's too afraid to bend over and pick up the soap in the shower, lest the big, built, bald guy behind him can't control his urges.

... or so we're told, but what is piracy exactly?

When people are profiting by selling bootleg DVDs at Nutt's Corner that's blatantly wrong. When someone downloads a track from a file-sharing network before taking the plunge to by an album, that's maybe questionable (but I for one wouldn't hold it against them). However, when sports fans make up their own lyrics to a song to take the piss out of the opposition, I'm quite sure any right-thinking person would consider that fair use.

Well, maybe not. Apparently this "piracy" stuff is much more widespread than you might think, at least if the latest threat from recording company EMI is anything to go by.

EMI says The Fanatics' Ashes songbook breached copyright because it included altered lyrics to songs such as Go West by the Village People and Daydream Believer by The Monkees.
ABC.net.au

As a result, EMI have threatened legal action. This will cost them a fortune and will, with any luck, be completely fruitless. Of course they will pass the costs on to the consumer and blame it on "pirates," all based on fundamentally false mathematics about what piracy actually costs them.

What this incident makes clear is that it's time the UK introduced some realistic, clearly defined fair-use protections into their copyright laws. UK law currently has very few protections - even parody is not explicitly allowed, so theoretically we could have big corporations here throwing their weight around in a similarly archaic and oppressive fashion. Maybe if we're lucky Tony and friends might find some time between invading middle-eastern countries to remedy the situation before this blight hits our shores. I'll not hold my breath though.

EU's third guest post sees Paul of N. Irish Magyar fame once again returning with his thoughts on some of the different nationalisms found on the Celtic fringe of the United Kingdom.

The continuing diversity of the United Kingdom is today threatened by primarily three types of nationalism from within its borders; Irish, Ulster and Scottish. All three have the capability, given the correct circumstances, of destroying the Union.

You may find surprising for me to say, but I suspect that Irish nationalism is the version which poses the least danger. If the last decade or so, since the cessation of the IRA's campaign, have shown anything, it is that Irish nationalism/republicanism have as little idea as political unionism about how to garner electoral support beyond its own narrow voter-base to build a political movement which can genuinely appeal beyond the traditional religious and communal borders. Their present tactics appear to have dual focus, the demoralization of the unionist population and working with the two governments above the heads of the population of Northern Ireland in order to create an "All-Ireland" framework. Both tactics have no chance of achieving a true United Ireland, that of all its people, as opposed to the territory, they also ignore the fact that the real battle is that to be fought for the increasingly apathetic centre, the 35% or so who no, longer vote but who are becoming unionists (with a definite small 'u' ) by economic default in absence of anything more constructive being offered by Irish nationalism. The "Ack sure it’ll all fall into place when we get our Fourth Field back” school of economics is making very little headway in 2006 amongst this cynical hard-bitten sector of the electorate.

Ironically, Ulster nationalism in its most basic (and crudest) mono-ethnic/religious form poses a much greater threat to Northern Ireland’s place within and the wider concept of the Union. It refuses to countenance any deviance form the "No Surrender", "No Pope Here" brand of Pseudo-Unionism until very recently exemplified perfectly by the DUP's head honcho. This threat, and the necessity of Unionism embracing diversity, we'll deal with in a subsequent post.

The third and most immediate threat to the unity of the UK is that presented by Scottish nationalism.

Next May will see the elections to the Scottish parliament. If present opinion polls are to be believed then, not only will the SNP be forming a government (probably in coalition with the political prostitutes of the Liberal Democrats) but also a majority of Scots favour the complete independence option.

So will next year (the 300th anniversary of The Act of Union as it just so happens) see the beginning of the end of our nation?

I think not and I also believe it’s also in the interests of unionists throughout the UK that the SNP do win next year and that the referendum on Scottish Independence is called for as soon as possible.

The large reason for the growth in support for the SNP is because of disillusionment with the effects of devolution and also the unpopularity of the present Labour Executive. But their (the SNP's) policies have, as a consequence, slipped from public consciousness and if and when they do get power, the "one-trick pony" nature of the party will be revealed and as a result, I'm convinced that both the SNP and their fundamental raison d’etre will face closer scrutiny. In other words, give the SNP short-term power and let's see what happens to the public's support for Scottish independence...

If the referendum does happen, then the economic consequences of leaving the UK, for example, will come to the forefront of the debate. Could an independent Scotland survive on its own? Yes, but minus the annual £20 billion from the central Exchequer, not in the manner to which its citizens have become accustomed. Of course, there is always the hope, as an independent country, of attracting increased EU funding, but with most of eastern European and two of the Balkan countries also competing for this money, it's not a very realistic one.
And would multinationals be more or less likely to set up in a country which has cut itself adrift from the 5th biggest economy and third biggest financial centre in the world?
An independent Scotland, I'd guess, would fit in somewhere below Greece and a little above Slovakia in the EU Economic table, would that be good enough for the "average" Scot?
How much is the "average" Scot prepared to sacrifice financially for independence?

I believe that such a referendum would also galvanise the Labour Party in Britain as a whole; strange as it may seem for Northern Irish readers, for purely party political reasons it makes sense for Labour to become more pro-active in supporting the Union and ensuring Scotland remains a part of the UK. Labour in Scotland struggled in the last General Election, winning only 41 instead of the usual 50-55 seats. But with Labour under new management and the Conservative Party, at last, starting to wake up and giving an appearance of being capable of winning again at the ballot box, then those Scottish seats could well be the deciding factor whether Labour stays in power at Westminster or not. Additionally, for the Labour Party in Scotland, fighting to ensure a Labour Scottish PM at Number 10 must be a very tempting one. Also, once Scotland had left the UK, the temptation for the Tories to play the English nationalist card would only become stronger, leading to… who know what? The prospect of employment controls on Scots working in England and much stronger economic competition between the two new "states"? There would be only one winner in such a competition.

So, for the three reasons outlined above, I believe that a SNP victory and the subsequent debate on independence prior to any referendum would give the Scottish people the chance to assess the benefits and costs they receive and incur from being part of the UK and more specifically, what they would have to sacrifice in event of full independence. After this assessment, I'm confident that a majority of at least 15% will be in favour of remaining a part of a multicultural and diverse UK. And this surely would be the final nail in the coffin for the Scottish separatist movement...

The Scottish people have always boxed above their weight within the United Kingdom, it's in both Scotland's and the nation's long-term interest that this situation continues.

I personally found the omission of English nationalism, in my view one of the fastest growing threats to the Union, interesting. Whether it's based on the apparent growing resentment among many English folk about subsidising the often soviet-like Celtic periphery, and the apparent disparity brought to the fore by devolution to Scotland and Wales (and maybe us too), or based on a backlash against the perception of modern Britishness as inherently multicultural (and therefore not definitive enough for some), English nationalism seems to be on the rise and, given that England forms the largest part of this Union, could pose the biggest threat of all IMHO.

When I initially read the headline "Unionists Against Papal Visit" I was disappointed and confused. Frankly if the Pope wants to come to Northern Ireland why shouldn't he? It's a free country.

But having read two "reports" on this story, I've been unable to determine exactly what the problem was. Speaking about the idea of a joint visit by the Queen and the Pope, Gregory Campbell said he thought it was a politically motivated idea, symbolically, to promote whatever deal might emerge from the current situation.

What I don't understand is how Gregory Campbell saying it's unrealistic suddenly equals being against the visit. Either the journalists are inventing a particularly cynical story or they're being careless and lazy; not including enough relevant quotes. For once in the case of a DUP statement, I actually suspect one of the former. The question is why? Is it to fill column-inches on a slow news day, or is it an attempt to re-enforce the image of unionists as dinosaurs?

Look at this story from BreakingNews.ie. After running with the headline "DUP's Campbell against visit to [Northern Ireland] by Pope" their basis for saying so seems to be that he "said the idea of the Pope and Queen Elizabeth visiting together, to put a seal on a new political agreement, was unrealistic."

F-
Must Try Harder

Life's been a bit hectic lately, hence the lack of posts. I just wanted to take a few minutes to point folk in the direction of A Better Union; a series of ideals put forward by a couple of bloggers with unionist sympathies, who feel like the mainstream unionist parties are neglecting them. The ideas are simple and the aim is modest (to make a few people think and see if there's anyone out there who feels the same).

In the context of the latest fudge agreement, talk of an Irish language act, devolved policing and the rest, not to mention more posturing than a bodybuilding competition, it seems an appropriate time to flag up their position.